Campfire Songs
Run by the Retired Scouter.

Retired Scouter Campfire Songs 


If I Were Not A Boy Scout - 2


13.A gym teacher I would be
We must, we must, improve the bust!

14.A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!

15.A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
[or] Bend Over, Drop Your Pants, This won't hurt a bit.
[or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!

16.An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap
[or] Check the bulb, flip the switch. z-z-z-z-z-z-z-zt

17.A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump... whoaa splat!

18.A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!

19.A ice cream maker I would be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!

20.A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!

21.A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!

22.A garbage collector I would be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.

23.A [Domino's] pizza maker I would be
30 minute, fast delivery!

24.A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!

25.Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?

26.Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!

27.A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!

28.A truck driver I would be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]

29.A house cleaner I would be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!

30.A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!

31.A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or
you might go to ...

32.A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.

33. A Stewardess I would be,
Here's your coffee, here's your tea. hear's your paper bag, urrrp

34. A Baker I would be,
Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!

35. A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan!
[or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.
[or] Here's my oil! Here's my can! Watch out ladies, I'm your man!

36. A Lawer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there

37. An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor.

38. An Engineer, I would be,
Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.

39. A Ranger I would be,
Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.

40. A Jockey I would be,
Grab the bridle, grab the bit, watch out for that pile
of...(repeat)

41. A Dog I would be,
Oh golly, oh gee, I gotta find a tree.

42. A Boxer I would be,
Hit him with a left, hit him with a right, knock out his jaw.

43. A Nosepicker I would be,
stick it, pick it, wipe it on the wall

44. A Jester I would be,
Please laugh, don't cry, I don't wanta die.

45. A Knight I would be,
bang, clink, clang, how am I supposed to fight in this thang

46. A Dolly I would be,
Mommy, Daddy, I love you. (blows a kiss)

47. A Cubmaster I would be,
A Stomach, no hair, my scouts are everywhere.

48. A Policeman I would Be,
Here's a Crime...There's a Crime...Here's a dounut shop.

49. A Cereal Killer I would Be,
Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Wheaties your Next.

50. A Girl Scout I would be,
Hey mister, wanna buy a cookie?

51. A Camper I would be,
I'm tired, I'm hungry, when's it time to eat?

52. A Lawyer I would be,
Honest, I swear, he wasn't even there.

53. A pyro, I would be,
Strike the match, light the fire. Burn! baby, Burn!

54. A Scoutmaster I would be,
Do this, do that, I'm gonna take a nap.
[or] Big belly, no hair, my scouts are everywhere!