Campfire Songs
Run by the Retired Scouter.

Retired Scouter Campfire Songs 


If I Were Not A Boy Scout - 3


6. A teacher I would be
Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!

7. An airline attendant I'd be
Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag, BLEH!

8. A typist I would be
Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!

9. A hippie I would be
Love and peace, my hair is full of grease!
[or] Hey Man! Cool Man! Far out! Wow!

10. A farmer I would be
Here's a cow, there's a cow, and here's another yuck!
[or] Come on Betsy give... the baby's gotta live

11. A laundry worker I would be
Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!

12. A cashier I would be
Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!

13. A gym teacher I'd be
We must, we must, improve the bust!

14. A medic I would be
Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!

15. A doctor I would be
Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
[or] Needle! Thread! Stick 'em in the head!

16. An electrician I would be
Positive, negative bbzzzzt zap

17. A fireman I would be
Jump lady, jump... whoaa slpat!

18. A cook I would be
Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!

19. A ice cream maker I'd be
Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!

20. A politician I would be
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!

21. A butcher I would be
Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!

22. A garbage collector I'd be
Lift it, dump it, pick out the good stuff
[or] Pile that garbage. Pile that garbage. Pile it to the sky.

23. A [Domino's] pizza maker I'd be
30 minute, fast delivery!

24. A clam digger I would be
Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!

25. Superman I would be
It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?

26. Lois Lane I would be
Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!

27. A cyclist I would be
peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!

28. A truck driver I'd be
Here's a curve, there's a curve. HERE'S A BETTER CURVE!
[Makes outline of shapely woman.]

29. A house cleaner I'd be
Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!

30. A baby I would be
Mama, Dada, I wuv you!

31. A Preacher I would be
Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven,
or you might go to ...

32. A DJ I would Be,
Miles of smiles on the radio dial.

33. A Stewardess I would be,
Here's your coffee, here's your tea. hear's your paper bag, urrrp

34. A Baker I would be,
Donuts! Eclairs! Buy My Buns!

35. A Lifeguard I would be,
Save yourself, Man. I'm working on my tan!
[or] Mouth to Mouth Resuscitate, What a way to get a date.

36. A Lawer I would be,
Honest. I swear, My client wasn't there

37. An Undertaker I would be,
6 x 4, nail them to the floor.

38. An Engineer, I would be,
Push the button, push the button, kick the darn machine.

39. A Ranger I would be,
Get eaten by a bear, see if I care.

40. A Scoutmaster I would be,
Do this, do that, I'm gonna take a nap.