I got to Kansas City on a Friday
By Satiday I larned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idy
Of what the modern world was comin' to !
I counted 20 gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
Almost ev'ry time I tuck a walk
'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange woman started in to talk !

Chorus

Evrythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as far as they c'n go

They went and built a skyscraper 7 stories high
About as high as a buildin' orta grow
Everythin's like a dream in Kansas City
It's better than a magic lantern show
Y' c'n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat
With evry kind of comfort evry house is all complete
You c'n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet !

Chorus

They got a big theayter they call a burleeque
Fer 50 cents you c'n see a dandy show
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear she was padded from her shoulder to her heel
But later in the second act when she begins to peel
She proved that everythin, she had was absolutely real !
She went about as far as she could go (yes sir)

She proved that everythin, she had was absolutely real !
She went about as far as she could go.